SHOULDA... COULDA... WOULDA...

I’m in Remington, IN and it’s 3:30 in the morning. I’m here this weekend attending what is my last meeting as a Board Member of Midwest Church Extension. I love the work of MCE, I love the men of MCE, and I’m excited about what is happening with the mission. I hate to leave, but circumstances dictate that I resign the mission at this time. So why am I writing this at this time in the morning? As is so often true of the first night when I travel, I can’t sleep. It’s a curse I live with.

So, I’ve been praying about things and doing some thinking about the shoulda, coulda, and woulda’s of my life. I look back over the years the Lord has given me and I’m thinking of all the things I shoulda done. I shoulda been a better husband, I shoulda been a better father. I shoulda been more effective in my ministry in a hundred different ways. I shoulda pursued this path, or that path. As with most of us, at least I think I’m not alone, the list goes on and on. And I coulda…I coulda been a better husband if I would have really thought things through. If I would have taken into consideration how my actions would affect my marriage. I coulda been a better father had I been more involved in my kids lives. I coulda done a lot better job of listening to them. I was so sure I was right about everything that I seldom really listened to what they had to say. I coulda evaluated things better as to what really would matter ten years down the road. I coulda pursued various paths in ministry that might have fulfilled some personal dreams and goals. Is this a good time to discuss the sovereignty of God? Was it the sovereign will of God that those things were not to be, or was it my own neglect? Turn in your 10 page report just as soon as it’s done.

That brings me to the woulda. Woulda is based upon hindsight and we all know hindsight is 20/20. Had I known what I know now I would have….been that better husband, been the perfect dad, been the Pastor and Christian that I should have been, I would have reached all my personal goals and set new ones. Doing all those woulda’s would probably mean I wouldn’t have any regrets. In the song, “I Did It My Way,” made famous by Frank Sinatra, there’s a line that goes, “Regrets, I had a few, but then again, too few to mention.” Yeah, right! You have to be a whole lot closer to perfect than I have ever been to be able to say that and mean it. My version goes more like, “Regrets, I have a ton, but then again, why dwell on what’s been done.” Which is where I’m headed in all of this. I really can’t do anything about what I shoulda or coulda done. The past is fixed, it can’t be changed. But I can do something about my future woulda’s. I can set my sights on building my future and letting the past go. Paul wrote in Philippians 3:12-14, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” I think Paul is saying that dwelling on the shoulda’s and coulda’s doesn’t accomplish a whole lot. I want to learn from past mistakes but I don’t want the thoughts of them to cloud my future. A better plan is given to us in Colossians 3:1,2,“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” My future woulda’s will be less stressful if I heed these words,“I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:1,2. If I can reevaluate my life and set the right priorities in my life, hopefully, in the future I can look back upon my life and say with Paul, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day.” II Timothy 4:7,8.

How about joining me in getting things in line with what God would want us to do? Let’s set a goal of living lives that please God. Then, down the road, maybe we really can look back on our lives and say, “Regrets, I had a few. But then again, too few to mention.”